The Pflugerville Pfall Chili Pfest was Pfantastic!!!!
The kids absolutely love watching anyone play Angry Birds!
Halloween!
Next stop November!
Monday, December 17, 2012
A Catch-up VIA Pictures from October !!!
As I mentioned in my last post, it has been quite awhile since I updated. I figure most everyone reading this really only wants to see pictures of the kids, so here we go!
Uncle Justin and Dita and Aunt Liz Came a Barbecuing!
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Now we know ( a c-section story)
Yes, yes it has been awhile. I have many excuses. Main one probably being the topic of this post. Really, I need to put it down in words to hopefully finally get past the experience and perhaps help other who may go through something similar. Maybe this will free up my mind and body and allow baby number 3 (due any day now) to "slip" into this world, easily and soon. I have come up with (what I think) is the simplest and most straight forward way of explaining what happened, what we felt, and what we learned. Michael is brewing a batch of beer, kids are asleep, I have some time on my hands and a glass of Asti, so here goes!
?????WHAT HAPPENED?????
We found out I was pregnant and found the only practice with midwives in our area. The first appointment was at 12 weeks. I have "white coat syndrome (WCS)" and it becomes very apparent from the beginning. I take a lot of extra tests because of the high blood pressure (WCS) and this means more needles (only adds to extremeness of WCS.) Blood tests keep showing everything normal. Our 20 week ultrasound shows a healthy baby boy! I keep getting sent for more tests because of the higher BP (we kept getting the same midwife who would not listen.) The tests start to include bi-weekly ultrasounds (u/s.)
Around 35 weeks one of the u/s techs detects a possible fetal heart defect. We see a specialist who diagnoses a coarctation of the aorta. She recommends a natural birth as planned at Shady Grove Adventist Hospital as the best thing for the baby with a helicopter standing by to transfer to Children's Hospital for surgery in the first 2 days. They have a very clear image of the defect, but inform us there is a 1% chance this could "heal" on its own as he begins to use his lungs. His first "scream" could send a burst of blood through and open up (stretch) the pinched vein before the extra fetal pathway closes.
This information of such a small chance of our newborn not needing to fly out for surgery soon after birth really hit hard. My brain worked logically and we made plans and followed doctors directions. My body started craving sugar and all comfort foods. I also went into stress mode with lots of sleeping and higher BP at home as well as sky-rocketing medical office BP. The midwife tried to put on meds, but we kept reminding her the very bad possible side effects on an already compromised baby.
My week consists of a visit to the midwives, the lab for blood tests, 24 urine collection, and a visit to Greater Washington Maternal Fetal Medicine for an u/s. 38 weeks saw an u/s where the fluid level measured 5. They send me to the Hospital(right across the street) for 24 hr monitoring. I am there for 3 hrs and a more laid back Midwife on call sends me home as "normal." The next week shows the same thing only the Midwife on call decides to just induce labor. At this point I was very good at following orders, so I was admitted and we began induction!
They began with prostaglandin gel for day 1. Day 2 saw more prostaglandin gel and pitocin. Day 3 another midwife came on and suggested another u/s which produces a measurement of 4.8. Since the fluid went down she could not send us home, so she offered cytotec with the pitocin. This third day I really began to feel pain and especially in my back in between contractions. There was a lack of sleep, lack of a midwives presence in the room, and a growing feeling of complete helplessness and cluelessness over my stubborn body. Day four saw a change of room to a one with a window and me asking for an epidural. As I attempted to sleep, nurses ran in and threw a mask on my face and told me to breathe and then just left. Then one of the practices OBs showed up at 4am with a midwife hanging in his shadow telling us the baby has been in distress awhile now and needed to come out now. 4:18am Gabe is born via Cesarean Section.
For me, the worst part was all that followed my surgery. I was shaking nonstop, in shock, exhausted, in pain, and very much alone in a dark and very empty recovery room. I did not know how Gabe was doing, but did have the sense of mind (though barely) to be glad Michael was with him. I was moved to the Mother/Baby Suite sans baby. I badly needed sleep, not only for my body to recover, but also for my brain to process all that occurred. They did not let me sleep. Every hour was someone trying to take vitals, blood, to teach breastfeeding, check for hemorrhoids, push pills...a nightmare. I did not hold Gabe for 2 days. I became frantic with a nurse just begging for sleep and she gave me a shot in the butt of something. I slept finally and that may have a lot to do with the threatening sign Michael placed on the door.
Gabe did not have his Momma for TWO DAYS!!! He did have Michael very frequently. He did have a coarctation in his first evaluation, but it did not call for immediate surgery. The next day it was gone (Praise the Lord!) and he was a perfectly healthy baby and a giant compared to all the other residents of the NICU. He was baptised on day 2 in the NICU by our wonderful Parish Polish Priest. They kept him 5 day because of vit and min levels, which was a bit ridiculous, but that did give Mom time to pull herself together.
!!!!!!!!WHAT WE FELT!!!!!!!!
From the beginning we felt a frustration at the lack of communication between us and the midwives, the midwives and their overseers, the practice and the supplementary practices (the lab and u/s practice, Children's was absolutely wonderful with their communication!) as well as hospital employees. The Midwife I was constantly seeing did not even see the child I was carrying as a baby until he was born and then he was not her concern as he was not her patient. I also had to constantly explain the my blood pressure at home was nowhere near as high as she raised it during our appointments. During our induction, we felt abandoned by our "caregivers" and completely lost in a sea of non-information. We were caught up in a process that we did not seem to fit in...ineffective. We have heard people tell us they are surprised we were "allowed" to go so long. I think we just baffled them with my strong-box of a uterus. Again there was a lack of communication, information, and overall physical presence of a "caregiver." We also knew some of what to fight for for mom (especially given the blessing to pursue a natural birth by the Heart Specialist,) but were easily swayed by a midwife we trusted and pure exhaustion with process. I was scared to death when they threw a mask on me and left without explanation. I was actually a bit relieved when the OB showed up and told me this would be over in less than 20 mins. I suspect at this point the midwives where in trouble for inducing me in the first place and then letting us go for so long. Then I really did go crazy from physical exhaustion, loneliness, betrayal (caregiver,) and the blatant insensitivity of hospital staff. THEY PUT A NEEDLE IN MY BUTT! Thank goodness I was sneaking food during labor or I would have starved due to the no eating till you poo rule! I also felt empty. Gabe did not exist as a real person. He was something in my mind. This was the worst part for me as the general thing anyone who came into the room said was "at least you have a healthy baby."
What We Learned
Hold your Baby! This little being is what makes any suffering on his behalf worth it! I do think I could have been able to better process everything If I had just been wheeled down to the NICU right after recovery and allowed to hold my baby. This would have made Breastfeeding a heck of a lot easier, too. We struggled for months to get that down!
You can take all the classes you want, but you do not know a situation until you are in it and feel the pressure. The best thing a first time parent can do is have a trusted third party present who is active in the modern day hospital birthing scene (a grandparent just did not encounter the same problems...theirs were different as procedures were different.) I am speaking of an experienced family member, friend, Doula, or Birthing instructor.
A midwife nowadays is not what you think (at least in Maryland.) I thought a midwife was a medical professional who could relate on a more personal level. I thought she would have more of a physical presence, a sense of camaraderie. It turns out that a professional midwife is very limited by law and their overseers in their practice and at the Hospital they carry privileges with. What I was looking for was a Doula. In Maryland the child is very separated from the Mother. Basically the baby is not truly seen as a person till birth. If for some reason you have a stillbirth at 20 weeks you are not even granted a Birth Certificate as they do not recognise the child as a person legally. This is so sad and can make it hard for a couple to make decisions based on the infants welfare, prebirth. This is why I had to keep asking the effects of any proposed medication on the baby and especially one with a heart defect. Luckily our baby had a doctor in-utero and we could call her with any questions at any time.
Induction is rarely a good idea. 1) a due date is sooooo inaccurate! If anything it is a "guess date" and in all actuality it is a guess month! With a first child the wait is almost always longer than 41.5 weeks! 2) There are so many natural "hastenings" to try before hospital admittance. (exercise, herbs, dietary supplements, chiropractic adjustments, acupuncture, visualizations, and manual massage and stretching!) 3) an experienced u/s tech can give pretty accurate information on good fluid levels and placenta function. 4) it really is a ticking time bomb towards a c-section, especially if you do not respond as normal.
5 is not a low measurement for fluid and definitely not a reason of induction. Low would be a 3. And it is a fact that fluid lowers as birth comes closer, so expect lower readings a week before birth! This seems to be more and more the excuse used to start induction.
Stay away from the hospital unless you want to hop on that induction train. Even if you start labor on your own, stay home until you can't. Try to go to an u/s place not next door to a hospital. The biggest theme we encountered was doctors covering their butts! Many professionals will order those extra tests and send you to extra visits and offices and hospitals just so they can cover their bases if they perchance missed something/ you misunderstood their information. There is a big lack of confidence and it bleeds down to you the patient who ends up with bigger bills and (in most cases) senseless worries.
Research and show confidence in yourself, it actually helped us deal with the midwives our second go around. They saw our confidence and it boosted theirs in our abilities to process information and not wavier in decisions. You can pick who your appointments are with. Do it! Do not continue to see someone you very much dislike. Call ahead the day before to make sure they did not switch office schedules. Yes you may be stuck with this individual for labor, but you will come in much happier and too busy with laboring to bother too much with them.
Exercise and eat healthy! Who know how low my BP could have stayed if I had just resisted drowning my sorrows in food and sleep?
If you go through a C-section, talk about it! This is a major surgery and most times, unplanned. Don't forget the father as well. He is usually less prepared then the mother and then he sees his loved one tied to a table and cut open! I did not realise that Michael was even really effected by it until I noticed he would rant a bit about it if anyone asked him for details even 2 years later!
SUMMATION
We were led down a path of sorrow and caught up in process and politics over something that could have been beautiful and natural. We were ill prepared; a product of a generation that knows little to nothing about childbirth as designed by God. The professionals we turned to betrayed our trust and circumstances turned us into scared sheep. I tend to sum up the experience as "now we know." I found ICAN and worked to eradicate my ignorance of all things childbirth. This led us to a VBAC one year later and my current work as a DONA trained Doula. All I ask parents to do is seek out information and have a care provider you truly trust. Then all you can do is trust in God and pray for any and all mercy he can give. hehe. Childbirth is not easy, but it is not something to be feared or manipulated. I am thankful that C-sections are available for those that truly need them, but they truly are overabundant in the US. They are products of a process that is so easy to be caught up in and is so many times unnecessary. You will not catch us on that train again! Now we know.
?????WHAT HAPPENED?????
We found out I was pregnant and found the only practice with midwives in our area. The first appointment was at 12 weeks. I have "white coat syndrome (WCS)" and it becomes very apparent from the beginning. I take a lot of extra tests because of the high blood pressure (WCS) and this means more needles (only adds to extremeness of WCS.) Blood tests keep showing everything normal. Our 20 week ultrasound shows a healthy baby boy! I keep getting sent for more tests because of the higher BP (we kept getting the same midwife who would not listen.) The tests start to include bi-weekly ultrasounds (u/s.)
Around 35 weeks one of the u/s techs detects a possible fetal heart defect. We see a specialist who diagnoses a coarctation of the aorta. She recommends a natural birth as planned at Shady Grove Adventist Hospital as the best thing for the baby with a helicopter standing by to transfer to Children's Hospital for surgery in the first 2 days. They have a very clear image of the defect, but inform us there is a 1% chance this could "heal" on its own as he begins to use his lungs. His first "scream" could send a burst of blood through and open up (stretch) the pinched vein before the extra fetal pathway closes.
This information of such a small chance of our newborn not needing to fly out for surgery soon after birth really hit hard. My brain worked logically and we made plans and followed doctors directions. My body started craving sugar and all comfort foods. I also went into stress mode with lots of sleeping and higher BP at home as well as sky-rocketing medical office BP. The midwife tried to put on meds, but we kept reminding her the very bad possible side effects on an already compromised baby.
My week consists of a visit to the midwives, the lab for blood tests, 24 urine collection, and a visit to Greater Washington Maternal Fetal Medicine for an u/s. 38 weeks saw an u/s where the fluid level measured 5. They send me to the Hospital(right across the street) for 24 hr monitoring. I am there for 3 hrs and a more laid back Midwife on call sends me home as "normal." The next week shows the same thing only the Midwife on call decides to just induce labor. At this point I was very good at following orders, so I was admitted and we began induction!
They began with prostaglandin gel for day 1. Day 2 saw more prostaglandin gel and pitocin. Day 3 another midwife came on and suggested another u/s which produces a measurement of 4.8. Since the fluid went down she could not send us home, so she offered cytotec with the pitocin. This third day I really began to feel pain and especially in my back in between contractions. There was a lack of sleep, lack of a midwives presence in the room, and a growing feeling of complete helplessness and cluelessness over my stubborn body. Day four saw a change of room to a one with a window and me asking for an epidural. As I attempted to sleep, nurses ran in and threw a mask on my face and told me to breathe and then just left. Then one of the practices OBs showed up at 4am with a midwife hanging in his shadow telling us the baby has been in distress awhile now and needed to come out now. 4:18am Gabe is born via Cesarean Section.
For me, the worst part was all that followed my surgery. I was shaking nonstop, in shock, exhausted, in pain, and very much alone in a dark and very empty recovery room. I did not know how Gabe was doing, but did have the sense of mind (though barely) to be glad Michael was with him. I was moved to the Mother/Baby Suite sans baby. I badly needed sleep, not only for my body to recover, but also for my brain to process all that occurred. They did not let me sleep. Every hour was someone trying to take vitals, blood, to teach breastfeeding, check for hemorrhoids, push pills...a nightmare. I did not hold Gabe for 2 days. I became frantic with a nurse just begging for sleep and she gave me a shot in the butt of something. I slept finally and that may have a lot to do with the threatening sign Michael placed on the door.
Gabe did not have his Momma for TWO DAYS!!! He did have Michael very frequently. He did have a coarctation in his first evaluation, but it did not call for immediate surgery. The next day it was gone (Praise the Lord!) and he was a perfectly healthy baby and a giant compared to all the other residents of the NICU. He was baptised on day 2 in the NICU by our wonderful Parish Polish Priest. They kept him 5 day because of vit and min levels, which was a bit ridiculous, but that did give Mom time to pull herself together.
!!!!!!!!WHAT WE FELT!!!!!!!!
From the beginning we felt a frustration at the lack of communication between us and the midwives, the midwives and their overseers, the practice and the supplementary practices (the lab and u/s practice, Children's was absolutely wonderful with their communication!) as well as hospital employees. The Midwife I was constantly seeing did not even see the child I was carrying as a baby until he was born and then he was not her concern as he was not her patient. I also had to constantly explain the my blood pressure at home was nowhere near as high as she raised it during our appointments. During our induction, we felt abandoned by our "caregivers" and completely lost in a sea of non-information. We were caught up in a process that we did not seem to fit in...ineffective. We have heard people tell us they are surprised we were "allowed" to go so long. I think we just baffled them with my strong-box of a uterus. Again there was a lack of communication, information, and overall physical presence of a "caregiver." We also knew some of what to fight for for mom (especially given the blessing to pursue a natural birth by the Heart Specialist,) but were easily swayed by a midwife we trusted and pure exhaustion with process. I was scared to death when they threw a mask on me and left without explanation. I was actually a bit relieved when the OB showed up and told me this would be over in less than 20 mins. I suspect at this point the midwives where in trouble for inducing me in the first place and then letting us go for so long. Then I really did go crazy from physical exhaustion, loneliness, betrayal (caregiver,) and the blatant insensitivity of hospital staff. THEY PUT A NEEDLE IN MY BUTT! Thank goodness I was sneaking food during labor or I would have starved due to the no eating till you poo rule! I also felt empty. Gabe did not exist as a real person. He was something in my mind. This was the worst part for me as the general thing anyone who came into the room said was "at least you have a healthy baby."
What We Learned
Hold your Baby! This little being is what makes any suffering on his behalf worth it! I do think I could have been able to better process everything If I had just been wheeled down to the NICU right after recovery and allowed to hold my baby. This would have made Breastfeeding a heck of a lot easier, too. We struggled for months to get that down!
You can take all the classes you want, but you do not know a situation until you are in it and feel the pressure. The best thing a first time parent can do is have a trusted third party present who is active in the modern day hospital birthing scene (a grandparent just did not encounter the same problems...theirs were different as procedures were different.) I am speaking of an experienced family member, friend, Doula, or Birthing instructor.
A midwife nowadays is not what you think (at least in Maryland.) I thought a midwife was a medical professional who could relate on a more personal level. I thought she would have more of a physical presence, a sense of camaraderie. It turns out that a professional midwife is very limited by law and their overseers in their practice and at the Hospital they carry privileges with. What I was looking for was a Doula. In Maryland the child is very separated from the Mother. Basically the baby is not truly seen as a person till birth. If for some reason you have a stillbirth at 20 weeks you are not even granted a Birth Certificate as they do not recognise the child as a person legally. This is so sad and can make it hard for a couple to make decisions based on the infants welfare, prebirth. This is why I had to keep asking the effects of any proposed medication on the baby and especially one with a heart defect. Luckily our baby had a doctor in-utero and we could call her with any questions at any time.
Induction is rarely a good idea. 1) a due date is sooooo inaccurate! If anything it is a "guess date" and in all actuality it is a guess month! With a first child the wait is almost always longer than 41.5 weeks! 2) There are so many natural "hastenings" to try before hospital admittance. (exercise, herbs, dietary supplements, chiropractic adjustments, acupuncture, visualizations, and manual massage and stretching!) 3) an experienced u/s tech can give pretty accurate information on good fluid levels and placenta function. 4) it really is a ticking time bomb towards a c-section, especially if you do not respond as normal.
5 is not a low measurement for fluid and definitely not a reason of induction. Low would be a 3. And it is a fact that fluid lowers as birth comes closer, so expect lower readings a week before birth! This seems to be more and more the excuse used to start induction.
Stay away from the hospital unless you want to hop on that induction train. Even if you start labor on your own, stay home until you can't. Try to go to an u/s place not next door to a hospital. The biggest theme we encountered was doctors covering their butts! Many professionals will order those extra tests and send you to extra visits and offices and hospitals just so they can cover their bases if they perchance missed something/ you misunderstood their information. There is a big lack of confidence and it bleeds down to you the patient who ends up with bigger bills and (in most cases) senseless worries.
Research and show confidence in yourself, it actually helped us deal with the midwives our second go around. They saw our confidence and it boosted theirs in our abilities to process information and not wavier in decisions. You can pick who your appointments are with. Do it! Do not continue to see someone you very much dislike. Call ahead the day before to make sure they did not switch office schedules. Yes you may be stuck with this individual for labor, but you will come in much happier and too busy with laboring to bother too much with them.
Exercise and eat healthy! Who know how low my BP could have stayed if I had just resisted drowning my sorrows in food and sleep?
If you go through a C-section, talk about it! This is a major surgery and most times, unplanned. Don't forget the father as well. He is usually less prepared then the mother and then he sees his loved one tied to a table and cut open! I did not realise that Michael was even really effected by it until I noticed he would rant a bit about it if anyone asked him for details even 2 years later!
SUMMATION
We were led down a path of sorrow and caught up in process and politics over something that could have been beautiful and natural. We were ill prepared; a product of a generation that knows little to nothing about childbirth as designed by God. The professionals we turned to betrayed our trust and circumstances turned us into scared sheep. I tend to sum up the experience as "now we know." I found ICAN and worked to eradicate my ignorance of all things childbirth. This led us to a VBAC one year later and my current work as a DONA trained Doula. All I ask parents to do is seek out information and have a care provider you truly trust. Then all you can do is trust in God and pray for any and all mercy he can give. hehe. Childbirth is not easy, but it is not something to be feared or manipulated. I am thankful that C-sections are available for those that truly need them, but they truly are overabundant in the US. They are products of a process that is so easy to be caught up in and is so many times unnecessary. You will not catch us on that train again! Now we know.
 |
| Two days old! Yes, even as things were, he was worth it all! |
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